I remember the first reading I ever had. I don’t know if the reading was just awful, or if I didn’t have a clue how to apply her reading to my life, but even my best friend insisted, “That doesn’t sound like Dana at all. Are you sure you didn’t flip the cards instead of turn them? Something’s not right.” The offended reader turned all of the cards around and gave a completely different reading. One that actually made more sense to me. She wasn’t happy about it, though. And neither was I. I walked away from that reading feeling like
1. the cards won’t tell me the truth,
2. I would not be able to trust a reading or
3. I couldn’t trust myself to give a good reading.
After all. She was a self-proclaimed expert. If she couldn’t read my cards, how could I expect to give myself a true reading?
So I left the cards alone for 5+ years.
Then I went through a course that included working with MotherPeace Tarot cards. While I loved the cool, round cards and was fascinated by the woman-honoring and empowering messages, I still found myself feeling anxious every time I tried to give myself a reading.
I tried smudging my space. I called in the directions and created safe space. I asked for Divine presence and guidance. It helped. But something was not right. Something was missing, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I continued to read for myself and for others. When I would give a reading to a friend, the feedback was always really positive, but people would have to BEG me for a reading before I would do it. And I still felt a bit of anxiety or dread in my stomach every time I gave myself a reading.
Fast forward another 5 years. I am Creatrix of a tarot class called Winter WonderLandscape. And I am the most astounded student as well. I have learned so much from this class already. I can’t believe how deeply and intimately my cards are speaking to me in this class, and we aren’t two weeks into the 6 week experiential! And here is the biggest Aha moment I have received yet:
This particular deck is teaching me how to trust.
That is what was missing for the last 10+ years. Trust.
I also had to come to an understanding about the tarot (and I am only speaking for myself here. If you have a different experience with the tarot, that is great.) I learned, with this deck, to see it as an extension of myself. Almost like a combination of my “higher self” who knows what a card “is” without having to physically see it, and my subconscious mind (that place that has a record of every single thing, sense, and experience I have ever had… that place that doesn’t worry with right or wrong… good or bad… it just files data and sensory images / impressions). So yes, there is a bit of magic to it *thank you, higher self + Divine Source*, but these cards represent an extension of my inner self.
Therefore my conclusion is this: If I want to trust the cards and my interpretations, I MUST trust ME. Every bit of me. My conscious mind, my sub conscious and my higher self. Because when I love and trust myself, I can more fully love and trust the messages that come from my cards.
Or Maybe! If I open myself to trust the cards and my interpretations, I will develop a deeper trust in myself as a result…. in every bit of myself. I will learn to trust my conscious mind, my subconscious and my higher self. Because when I open myself to the act of trusting the cards, I can more fully love and trust myself. See how this chit works? LOL
The very first spread we did was a trust spread. Learning to trust our cards and the personalities they showed for this class. I developed this class with the Trust spread first because I feel that we will deeply accept and integrate the cards’ messages when we can first trust the work.
I hope that, whether you are experiencing this class with Nessa and myself or you are journeying with your deck on your own, you allow yourself the gift of trust. Because you are more than worth it.
We love you.